While holding a grudge can give us a temporary sense of control, protection, or a sense of justice, it is harmful to our health and to our relationships. The harm outweighs any false sense of benefits. It has been shown that holding onto grudges is detrimental to our immune system, elevates stress hormones and leads to anxiety, depression and reinforces negative thought patterns. Some of us hold grudges for a long time nurturing them with perceived evidences that become confirmation bias as to why we are right. Grudge holding erodes trust in relationships. Many of us don’t even recognize that we are holding onto grudges. It becomes a habit or pattern, perhaps one that we learned when we were growing up. It can feel like a protection against further injustices. I am reminded of a well-known parable attributed to the Buddha: "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." How to let go of grudges… 1. Acknowledge the grudge you are holding. Be honest with yourself. 2. Challenge the beliefs associated with the grudge. Ask yourself, “Is this true?” “What is the meaning I am attaching to what has gotten me so upset.” “Is it worth the harm I am doing to myself, my partner and my relationship?” Even if you are “right,” holding onto grudges is not good for you. The damage is the same whether you are right or wrong. 3. Perhaps there is another way to view the situation. Whether yes or no, ask yourself, “Is it worth holding a grudge at the expense to my physical, emotional and relationship?” Have you perfected the Art of Holding A Grudge? Let us know your thoughts…

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