We all have dark places inside that we are not proud of. Sometimes in an intimate moment, we feel open to sharing a delicate part of us. Hopefully, it is received in a thoughtful, kind and empathetic way. Unfortunately, sometimes, these vulnerabilities are stored in our partners brain and can be used as ammunition against one other during times of struggle. For example, if your partner tells you that he/she is working on a critical part of them, a part that they inherited from a critical father, if you notice them being critical, don’t say, “There you go being just like your father…”. Couples need agreements on how and when they give their partner feedback. Acknowledge when you see your partner demonstrating effort on working on a part of themselves and give gentle feedback when needed at appropriate times.

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